Aerophobe to aerophile: how I overcame my fear of flying
From turbulence to takeoff, here’s how I learned to love the skies—and everything I’ve discovered along the way
My first newsletter opened with how I used to have a debilitating fear of flying.
It started in college when I had to fly alone for the first time. I distinctly remember my fear on that particular flight; the way every inch of my body tensed with disbelief that we weren’t constantly in free-fall. I remember chatting up my seatmate, a sweet old woman, as a distraction. She tried to reassure me I had nothing to be afraid of. It didn’t help.
It wasn’t until nine years ago when I began a long-distance relationship with my now-husband that I found real motivation to start taking control of my fear. He was in a band touring the world and I was living in Ohio, meaning air travel was a requirement for our relationship. On my first flight to see him, I started shaking uncontrollably before we’d even pushed from the gate, so I decided to try three things: I took deep breaths, I focused on repeating in my head what I knew to be true (“Flying is safe. You are safe.”) and, during the takeoff roll, I played one of my favorite songs at the time. Unbeknownst to me then, this moment created the basis of the equation that solved my fear of flight. And that song? I still listen to it every time I’m on an airplane speeding down a runway. It used to be a salve, but over the years, it’s transformed into an aural manifestation of the magic and marvel I feel when in flight.
Flight anxiety tips
Over 25 million people struggle with a fear of flying in the US alone. Here are all the tips that helped me overcome mine:
Go with the flow. During uncomfortable turbulence, I take a mental inventory of my body. I make sure my jaw is loose, my shoulders are dropped, my arms are soft, and my feet aren’t pressing into the floor. Remind yourself that turbulence in a plane is akin to speeding over waves in a boat or driving over road bumps in a car; let yourself naturally sway with the motions instead of fighting against them.
Be in your body, not in your head. Breathwork and meditation are hugely powerful in helping you relax. Take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Repeat mantras in your head or download meditation apps to listen to. At the very least, these can help quiet the voice in your head telling you to be afraid.
Control what you can. A huge aspect of aerophobia can be the loss of control. And while we can’t control the weather or the airplane, we can control certain parts of our flying experience. Wear an outfit you feel good in, bring your favorite snacks, and queue up a fun activity like watching a movie or doing a crossword. Take what you can control to make yourself as comfortable as possible.
Relish in the ritual. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have rituals that get you in a calmer headspace before doing something anxiety-inducing. I have two rituals: 1) I always touch the outside of the plane as I board (my formal relinquishing of control) and 2) I still play that song I mentioned above. After years of consciously relaxing my body while this song was playing in the background, there’s a Pavlovian response where just hearing the song triggers my body to relax without me having to be so prescriptive about it. Now, I start playing the song when we push from the gate and keep it looping until we reach cruising altitude (at which point I switch over to my aptly named playlist).
Arm yourself with information. Learning how planes work was what was most effective in helping my flight anxiety. At the very least, you need to watch Anna Paul’s Jello video. She uses a cup of Jello to demonstrate how air pressure keeps an airplane suspended in flight during turbulence. My pro tip: try to book a seat over the wings to be closer to the airplane’s center of gravity, which will be slightly more comfortable during turbulence than if you’re seated in the front or the back of the plane.
Beyond exposure therapy, the single most helpful thing I did to overcome my fear of flight was learning. When I started flying, I didn’t understand how an airplane could even sustain flight, much less why there was always a startling noise in the last ten minutes of one (it’s just the landing gear extending). As someone who is innately curious about how the world works, I decided to seek out knowledge, which eventually led me to watch nearly every episode of the TV show Air Crash Investigation. (I know what you’re thinking!! Stay with me for a sec.) Learning about all of those aviation accidents had an interesting effect on me: it made flying feel safer.
Each episode recreates the accidents, but this only takes up the first third or so of the story. The rest of the time is spent with actual investigators who walk you through their process for determining how the accident happened. Then, they share what recommendations they made to aviation regulators to ensure that kind of accident never happens again. What is comforting to me is that whether the cause of a crash includes pilot error or machine malfunction, it’s never just *one* thing. What’s consistent with every disaster is the sheer number of things that have to go wrong for it to happen. Truly, the stars need to align. The statistics supporting the safety of aviation started to make more sense to me. And through all of this, I began to see how each accident has made flying safer and safer1.
The more I learned about commercial aviation, the more my interest in it grew. Now, I look for opportunities to be close to airplanes, like visiting aviation museums and going plane-spotting. Here are some of my favorite aviation-related memories:
During our first year of dating, my husband surprised me with a trip to Seattle, a destination he chose so we could visit the Boeing factory (ladies, if he wanted to he would!!!). That alone was an incredible experience, but while we were there, we got to see one of four existing Dreamlifters take off.
Having a plane-spotting picnic in Washington D.C., just a few hundred feet from the north end of Reagan National Airport’s runway 1/19, while listening to live ATC radio.
Flying a 737 at the Delta Flight Museum in the only full-motion flight simulator available to the public in the US (much harder than it looks, people).
Most recently, flying on the ANA Eevee Jet 🥹 (fun fact: the only thing I love more than aviation is Pokémon).
In-flight hot takes
By this point, hopefully I’ve convinced you that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to commercial aviation, which is why I won’t be accepting ANY critiques on the following. 😌
The Window Shade. Okay look, I get it if it’s a really early morning flight or the sun is literally blasting you, but in all other cases, the window shade stays UP!!! Everyone should really try to appreciate the modern marvel of flight a little more (lose yourself in awe of the sight of the world at 30,000 feet!!), and it helps people orient themselves in space. Also, sorry but you have absolutely zero claim to the window shade if you’re not sitting in the window seat.
Reclining your seat. Another furiously debated question: should you ever recline your airplane seat? I mean, it has a recline function for a reason, so I say: use it! If you’re mad that the person in front of you reclined their seat, you have a couple options: one, stop being a baby and recline your own seat (problem solved), or two, book a bulkhead seat.
When to stand up after landing. Few things are as futile as standing as soon as the plane lands. Like, you guys know we can’t go anywhere yet, right? There are only a couple of acceptable reasons to immediately spring out of your seat: if you need to make a quick connection (in which case you should alert the flight attendant) or if you’re in the plane’s first row and need to get your stuff out of the overhead bin (bulkhead seats are required to stow personal items for takeoff/landing). Plus, the very first row of seats controls the flow of traffic for the entire plane, so it’s in everyone’s best interest that those people are ready to go as soon as the cabin door opens. Just promise me that, whatever happens, you won’t be that guy who runs forward ten rows to try to get off the plane sooner.
Tori Simokov is a Travel Writer and Graphic Designer/Strategist based in New York. To get in touch, email tori@v1projects.com. Want more? Check out Instagram, TikTok, or shop her curated favorites.
This was perfect
Great post. I hate turbulence, it feels so gross.