How I rewired my fear of flying—and how you can too

I used to cancel trips because I was too scared to fly. Now, I chase flights across the world. Here's the framework that helped me rewire that fear into freedom.

A window to the world, and all the wonder that comes with it. From airline ephemera to endless horizons—this is what learning to love flying looks like. (Image Created by Tori Simokov)

Flight anxiety has always been common—more than 25 million people in the U.S. struggle with it¹—but after months of high-profile aviation accidents and alarming headlines, fear of flying feels more present, and more pressing, than ever.²

If you're feeling it, you're not alone. And if it feels overwhelming or like something you'll just have to live with, I get it. I’ve been there.

A decade ago, I was the kind of traveler who would lie awake the night before a trip debating whether to cancel it. Flying terrified me. But life had other plans: ten years ago, a new long-distance relationship forced me to start flying constantly. Exposure therapy wasn’t a choice. It was that, or miss out on the love of my life.

At first, every flight was still a struggle. As soon as the boarding door sealed shut, pressure bloomed in my chest—a balloon stretched to its limit, panic pounding through every heartbeat. But the more I flew, the more I realized that fear didn’t have to win every time, that even small moments of calm could add up to something bigger.

So I worked on small strategies to steady myself. I adopted tiny rituals: looping the same calming song through every takeoff sequence, whispering silent reassurances to myself through every patch of turbulence. None of it erased the nerves instantly. But slowly, flight by flight, familiarity layered itself over my fear. The unknown became known, and curiosity cracked the door open for something entirely new: sheer fascination.

Today, flying isn’t just something I tolerate. It’s something I love: deeply, obsessively, even tearfully sometimes. Airplanes, airports, the whole experience of flight…aviation has become one of the greatest passions of my life. It's even shaping my career.

I don’t know many people who can say that. Not after being as scared as I was. And that’s why I’m sharing this: not because my fear vanished overnight, but because real transformation is possible, even when it feels out of reach.

Here’s the exact framework that helped me get there, and how you can start building your own path toward steadiness in the sky.

Tip #1: Learn What’s Happening in the Air

The unknown feeds fear. Knowledge starves it.

You don’t need to memorize aerodynamic formulas to feel safer. But having a basic understanding of what’s happening when you’re in the air will probably help.

When I first started flying regularly, I had no framework to calm my mind. Every noise, every bump, every change in engine tone felt catastrophic—because I didn’t know what any of it meant.

Once I learned the basics, my brain had facts to fight back with. One of the best visuals I’ve found is Anna Paul’s viral "Jell-O theory" from TikTok. The video goes like this: Imagine a tiny airplane suspended inside a cup of Jell-O. Even if you shake the cup, the airplane won’t fall; it’ll stay firmly in place because of the thick substance around it. That’s what air pressure does. You're not dangling in the sky; you’re supported from all sides.

Learning small truths like that rewired my gut reactions. There’s a good chance it might for you, too.

Tip #2: Ground Yourself in Ritual

Our brains love familiarity. When we create personal rituals, we give ourselves a mental anchor during stressful situations.

One of my earliest flying rituals was simple: I would listen to the same calming song during taxi and takeoff, signaling to my brain that I was safe. I also started a tiny pre-boarding ritual: touching the outside of the plane before I entered, as a symbolic act of surrender and trust.

Your ritual might be music, a calming scent, a favorite prayer, a meditation playlist—whatever gives your brain a cue to settle in for the ride.

All of this is really about building familiar pathways to calm that your nervous system can learn to trust over time.

Tip #3: Relax into the Ride

When turbulence hits, the instinct is to tense up. Instead, start with a simple body scan: Is my jaw unclenched? Are my shoulders loose? Am I gripping the armrest or pressing my feet into the floor?

The goal is to physically soften and sway along with the plane’s motions (just like you would with a boat on water, which can be a helpful reminder) instead of bracing against them.

At the same time, engage your breath. Box breathing—inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four—is a powerful tool to slow your heart rate and settle your nervous system.

I also keep simple mantras ready to repeat silently when my anxiety gets particularly bad, like: You are safe. Turbulence is normal. Trust the pilots and the plane. They might sound silly, but it does work to remind yourself of what is real when fear starts to take over.

If you need extra help, keep apps like Headspace or Calm on your phone. You can download sessions before your flight in case Wi-Fi isn’t available onboard.

Tip #4: Claim Your Calm

A major trigger for flight anxiety is a loss of control. While you can’t fly the plane yourself, you can focus on small factors that give you more control over your comfort.

These are some strategies I swear by that help me feel more grounded even when I’m 30,000 feet in the air:

• Pick a seat over the wing. It’s closer to the plane’s center of gravity, minimizing the feeling of turbulence.

• Fly in the morning if possible. Air is generally calmer earlier in the day.

• Use noise-canceling headphones or earplugs. Reducing external noise helps create an internal sense of calm.

• Download entertainment you love. Distraction is a real tool. Download comfort shows, audiobooks, podcasts, or music. Here’s my favorite in-flight playlist.

Small choices build real control, and control quiets fear.

Tip #5: Build Trust in the Sky

Sometimes, what helps most is not going it alone. There are entire programs that you can attend with others that are built to guide you through flying step by step, so you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.

Take British Airways' renowned Flying with Confidence course, for example: the day begins with sessions led by pilots and psychologists, designed to help you understand both how planes fly and why fear kicks in. You then have the option to cap off the day with a short flight, where an additional pilot provides live, on-board commentary, explaining every phase of the journey in real time. And it works: the course boasts a 98% success rate.

Like anything else, these courses aren’t a magic fix. But the combined approach—hearing from both pilots and psychologists, plus hearing live commentary during a real flight—can be incredibly powerful. This course could give you tools that no other experience can, while still letting you tailor the process to your own comfort level.

Even if you’re not ready to commit to a full program, just browsing their website, watching a few videos, or reading testimonials can be reassuring (and further proof that fear doesn’t have to be a life sentence).

Tip #6: Practice Curiosity

I consider this part extra credit, but it’s really what changed everything for me.

At some point, my fear started turning into fascination. I stumbled onto a TV show that documents real aviation incidents—but more importantly, how each event made flying safer. Learning about the systems, the redundancies, and the human factors involved rewired my brain to see aviation as one of the most carefully designed, constantly improved industries on Earth.

This insatiable interest eventually made my fear irrelevant. Today, when I hear a loud clunk or feel a sudden deceleration mid-flight, I know what’s happening: the landing gear deploying, the engines pulling back after climb power. Routine operations—not imminent disasters.

You don’t have to go full aviation nerd to benefit from a little sense of wonder. I know I’m a fringe case. Finding even one small thing you find interesting about flying can chip away at fear and make the experience richer, more human, and—yes—maybe even a little bit joyful.

Bonus Tips:

• Normalize feeling nervous. You can be afraid and still fly. You can acknowledge fear without obeying it.

• Fly frequently if you can. Exposure therapy works: the more you fly, the less novel and frightening it may feel.

• Tell a flight attendant if you're anxious. They’ve seen it all, and they’ll quietly keep an extra eye on you during the flight.

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Flying used to be the most terrifying part of my life. Now, it’s one of my greatest joys. If I can go from canceling trips out of fear to chasing flights across the world, others can too.

But I know fear doesn’t disappear overnight. You can do everything right and still feel nervous or fearful, and I want to be clear—that’s okay.

Because fear doesn’t have to vanish to make room for something better. It just has to stop being the whole story. You still get to choose what you build in its place. One flight, one small step, one steady breath at a time.

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Tori Simokov is a Travel Writer and Graphic Designer/Strategist based in New York. To get in touch, email tori@v1projects.com. Want more? Check out Instagram, TikTok, or shop her curated favorites.

1. Source

2. According to a study commissioned by The Points Guy and conducted by The Harris Poll, nearly two in three Americans (65%) say they are more nervous about flying in light of recent safety incidents. (Source)